Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Name: El Capitan
Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

It's Zombielicious!!

He'll Lose His Fear Of Zombies Or Die Trying!

As promised, here's my latest effort at Photoshoppery:

"A Lazy Sunday Stroll Through The Mall"


(click pic to enlarge the zombie horde!)

If you'd like the full-size version (1346 x 928 pixels, 341KB), suitable for framing, desktop wallpaper, or wrapping fish, drop me an email! Addy's on the sidebar.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Coming Attractions

Hey, It's Either This, Or Another Awful Pun...

A good salesman always tries to build up excitement before a new product hits the market...

Now, I'm not selling anything here, but the principle is the same!

I've got a few final touches to go, but here's a preview of the next Photoshop:

I see you shiver with antici...........pation!

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Typographical Humor

I'm Almost Ashamed I Posted This Awful Pun...

I shot the Serif.

But I did not shoot the W T

Friday, November 06, 2009

Math Whiz Needed!

Higher Math Was Never My Strong Suit.
Mostly Because While They Were Teaching It, I Was Out Behind The Gym Getting Higher...


OK, anyone out there good at functions and/or Excel macros?

Here's the dealio...

Let's say, for argument's sake, that you weigh 1000 lbs. I know, you'd be as big as an elephant seal. Hell, you'd BE an elephant seal, but it's a big round number, and easy to multiply/divide.

Your goal is to reach 175 pounds, necessitating the loss of 825 lbs.

At 1000 lbs., your basal metabolic rate requires a daily intake of around 9400 calories to maintain that weight.

OK, you want to reduce weight, so you won't eat 9400 calories a day. We'll assume that you won't be burning any calories due to exercise at this point.

A pound of fat has an energy value of 3500 calories, more or less. Instead of eating 9400 calories a day, you only eat 5900 calories, giving you that 3500 calorie deficit.

In theory, you'd lose a pound a day on that diet. Assuming you didn't do any extra exercise, you'd expect a pound lost every day due to diet alone, and you'd reach your goal weight in 825 days.

EXCEPT....

Your basal metabolic rate is going to change on a daily basis! With each pound lost, your body will not need as many calories to maintain the current weight, so you cannot use the initial formula for the whole process.

What you need is a sliding scale that adjusts your BMR and your current weight, and matches that against your daily caloric intake so you'll know (roughly) how far away the endpoint is.

I have no freakin' clue how to do that sort of calculation...

I know I'm jumping the gun a bit and perhaps being overly optimistic about Project LOLA. For me, there probably will be no "End date", but a lifetime of reduced calorie intake, with more food allowed as I'm able to do more physical activity.

Still, I'd rather be looking ahead than looking behind me, so if you have any sort of clue how to make these calculations, drop me a line!

Muchas Gracias!

Thursday, November 05, 2009

A Word To The Wise...

His Piss Burns Blue & Beads Clear!

Don't F#&% with Yabu!

Yabu *LAUGHS* at Death!!!


(Click To Embiggen!)

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Bare Bears??

Almost As Icky As Those Bald Cats...

Scheiße! Unsere Bären haben kein Haar!



Poor bears! The Spectacled Bears at the Leipzig Zoo have had most of their fur fall out!

A bear just ain't all there when it got no hair!
They're smooth as a pear!
Looks like someone used Nair!
Are they debonair?
Au contraire, mon frere!

OK, I'll stop misquoting George Carlin now...

Range Report

It's Always A Good Day To Go To The Gun Range!

I almost forgot to mention that I went out to the rifle range on Sunday. After a nice lunch, the Cisco Kid and I trekked out Hwy 290 to the Hot Wells range, where we joined every resident of 5 surrounding counties trying to get their deer rifle sighted in.

I knew deer season was upon us, but I'd hoped that most of the hunters would have done their sighting-in a couple of weeks earlier. Boy, was I wrong... I've never seen Hot Wells that crowded. We waited in line to pay the tab, then waited again to get assigned a shooting bench. Hot Wells doesn't have a lot in the way of amenities, so you pretty much have to stand around in the mud schlepping all your gear until they call your number.

I drew one of the few shooting benches that wasn't under the awning. It wasn't a terribly hot day, but out in the full glare of the sun, it got a mite uncomfortable. I wasn't out there long enough to burn, however.

I was woefully unprepared for the trip. Oh, I had rifles and ammo, safety glasses and earplugs, but I forgot the spotting scope, left the ballistic table for the 7.5 Swiss at home, and instead of carrying a reasonable amount of ammo, I brought the whole bloody ammo case of rifle fodder, which weighed 35 pounds or so.

I ended up shooting 20 rounds through the Swiss K31. It grouped as well as always, but something had shifted, and the rounds were impacting high & right of the bullseye. I didn't bring my screwdriver, and didn't even have a dime in my pocket to dial in the scope. Oh, well. Guess I'll have to go back to the range later. Damn the bad luck...

The Hog Rifle was acting really wonky. It's a Czech VZ24, shooting 8mm Mauser. OK, let me rephrase that... My handling of the rifle was wonky. Half a dozen times I got a *click* when I expected a *BANG*, and only three of those were due to the 60 year old surplus ammo. The other three were due to me short-stroking the bolt, and a round never stripped out of the magazine and fed into the chamber. That sort of thing will get you killed going after Buick-sized critters with sharp pointy teeth, talons & tusks. It's not such a calamity here in Texas, but still a bad habit...

I had numerous failures to eject, too. It always pulled the round out of the chamber, but unless you really worked the bolt fast & hard, the round wouldn't get tossed out to the side, and you'd have to reach in the action and fish it out. I was trying not to fling hot brass on the shooter to my right, so I wasn't giving the action the oomph it required to function properly.

I put maybe 30-35 rounds through the 8mm, and was semi-satisfied with the grouping. It's not the whiz-bang target rifle the K31 is, but it's good enough to put one in someone's boiler room from 350 yards with iron sights as long as you don't pooch the shot.

I'll probably have to do a shotgun session next. I didn't get around to blasting away with the coach gun out in Tennessee, and I need to be reminded what a mule-kick that little scattergun has!

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

A Gift For Army of Mom!

Agent AoM - Licensed To Rob Cradles!!

Just for you, AoM! Enjoy!