Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Our New Welcome Sign

Texas Pride Ain't Just A Defunct Beer Company!

Saw this online and thought it deserved a wider audience!

Monday, August 18, 2014

Photoshop Opportunity!

Fun & Games Using Tiny Little Pixels!

I've been out of the PhotoChop game for a while.  When IT upgraded my PC, they locked me out of adding new programs, so I've been unable to reinstall GIMP.

So, here's a chance for y'all to shine!  Have fun with this one:

Difficulty Level:  Do NOT show Barry slurping on Pooty-Poot's schlong.  That's just too damn easy...

Friday, August 15, 2014

Random Thoughts For 8/15/14

I'm Ready For Retirement.  Only 19 Years To Go!

It's Friday, and I'm already mentally out the door and headed for the house, so I hope you'll forgive me for not devoting the afternoon to a long scholarly essay on something vitally important to the blogosphere.

Instead, here's a few odd thoughts I managed to snag from my capacious noodle...

If you can manage to stand out by an intersection in the Texas summer heat for hours at a time, walking up and down the median and begging passersby for their spare change, I'd think you could manage to stand in front of a grill and flip some burgers or work a sink and wash some dishes.
Just sayin', is all...

And while I'm on the subject of panhandlers, why is it y'all usually have a prize collection of skin art, and never seem to lack for cigarettes?  Perhaps that's money better spent on some work boots and some bus fare?  Oh, who am I kidding.  Go smoke some meth, and to quote Frank Zappa, "Jam down the road, ya bum-ba-bum-bum!"

You can get just about all the ammo you want hereabouts, with a few exceptions.  9mm, .45, .40 S&W, .357/.38spl, and 5.56 can be had by the palletload.  .22LR is still mostly absent, or severely rationed, and .32 Auto might as well be frog fur or hen's teeth.  Damn hard to acquire...
The supply of loose powder and primers is also set to "trickle".

Why is it that each department in The Man's Realm can't seem to come up with an alternate form of community service project than a blood drive?  If I was to go donate as often as the emails and voicemails come in advertising these events, I'd be a crispy husk.   How about a bake sale, y'all?

There are few jobs in the world that are nastier, smellier and noisier than greasing up a young pig with several fistfuls of Crisco.  The results when said pig is let loose in a crowded event is usually worth the effort, however.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Leave It In The Damn Wrapper!

You'd Think I'd Know Better...

There's a certain attitudinal lift you get from showing up at work wearing a nice new shirt and freshly pressed pants.  When you usually look like you slept in your clothes, it's nice to show your co-workers that you can indeed locate a dry cleaners if you really have to.

And then, of course, disaster strikes...

No sooner than I sit down at the desk and slurp down a quick breakfast that I get the dreaded BBB.

That's "Breakfast Burrito Blowout", where you apply too much pressure to the burrito, the innards of your tortilla-wrapped food seek an escape route and the burrito blows a hole to relieve itself all over your shirt and trousers.

How I can get picante sauce all the way down to my knees is just a f#$&%ng mystery...

Thank the Lord for Shout Wipes.

Next time, I'm getting a McMuffin...

Monday, August 11, 2014

Many Are Called, The Unlucky Get Chosen...

Grimly Doing My Civic Duty

I just finished filling out a juror information form, and I'll mail it as soon as I get off of work.  For the record, I was honest in my answers, though I really don't want to get selected.

After getting called up for Harris County jury service this past winter, and for City of Houston jury service a year or so ago, I got tapped for Federal Court service in a letter last week.

It's not my first go-round over in the Federal courthouse.  I've been over there a couple of times as a representative for The Man in the odd occasion where a peon attempts to upset the status quo via a lawsuit.

This time, I get to call in the evening before to find out if I have to appear.  It's not a huge problem, since I work downtown anyway, but I do hate that I'm going to have to divest myself of all the usual sharp pointy objects and assorted objects of mayhem that usually accompany me whilst traveling where the tall buildings grow.

Odds are I won't get picked, due to my employer and past history with the lawsuits.  Still, keep your fingers crossed that I get voir dire'd out of contention...

Friday, August 08, 2014

The Cronut Conspiracy

It's Just Flour, Grease & Sugar...

I forget where I first became aware of the concept of the "cronut".  Probably some foodie website, or a news story on the lines of customers waiting outside the New York bakery that debuted the confection.

If you're new to the concept, a "cronut" is a donut made from croissant dough.  The original article was probable mixed, kneaded, rolled, and then had rounds hand-cut before dunking in a hot oil bath until golden brown.

Now, I'm not one to jump on breakfast pastry bandwagons.  I greatly prefer savory to sweet, so my usual comestible in the forenoon hours will likely consist of eggs & dead animal bits wrapped in a tortilla.

Still, when I saw the sign in the Jack In The Box window advertising cronuts, I thought "What the hell!" and hit the drive-thru.

It wasn't all that great.  Not bad, just not the kind of item people ought to wait in line for.  Even a drive-thru line.

Wanna know a secret?  I've been making them for years.  Dad taught me when I was a wee pup.

We used to go camping a lot when I was a kid, and Dad has a special recipe for donuts that he would only make when we were out in the woods.

He'd heat up a pot of vegetable oil on the Coleman stove, and then take a tube or two of the refrigerated biscuits and pop 'em open.  You cut each biscuit  into quarters to make "donut holes", or poke a hole in the center and stretch it into a ring for a regular donut, then dip it in the hot oil.

Cook each side until golden brown, then ladle out in a skimmer and dump into a paper bag containing a mix of cinnamon & sugar.   Give it a vigorous shake to coat evenly, dig 'em out and then inhale that hot greasy goodness before they get cold.

The cronut part?  Every so often I'd make 'em with flaky biscuits.  Just like a mini croissant, kinda-sorta...

Tuesday, August 05, 2014

Guardians Of The Who??

Even My Nerdism Has Its Limits...

Last Friday at the regular poker game I had an invite to go see this new flick called 'Guardians of the Galaxy'.

I respectfully declined the offer, 'cause I just have no effin' idea what the hell these Guardians are all about, and no real impetus to find out.

Oh, I'm culturally aware enough to understand that this is another comic book movie. It's just that this particular comic has apparently been spawned and grown popular enough to warrant a movie long after my active comics collecting days were over.

Now, I will admit to being pleasantly surprised by some sci-fi related flicks that I took a gamble on. That first Riddick movie, 'Pitch Black', was fantastic. (The rest? Eh, not so much...) 'Cowboys & Aliens' & 'John Carter of Mars' were slices of enjoyable hokum. 'Super 8', 'I Am Number Four', 'Pacific Rim' & 'Oblivion' were all a lot of fun.

Mutant space pilot raccoons, however? Nah, I'll pass...