Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Friday, September 18, 2015

Don't Read This

I Warned You...

When the quickest path to comfort and a return to normalcy is an ice pack applied to the goo-nads, you can be pretty damn sure your life has veered off in a direction most dare not to tread...

As age and gravity take their toll, the ability to keep all your nether bits in order via quality undergarments can't be overstated.

In today's debacle, some worn elastic, age-strained fabric and a high step into the truck cab allowed the escape of the Balzac for looser pastures.

Of course, the resulting shift behind the steering wheel and re-compression of the trouser fabric led to a ligature-like effect on the "drawstring" area of the pouch, which started out as annoying, but at the end of the commute was akin to Satan's fiery fingers cupping your 'nads.

Apparently at my age, friction + heat = swelling, making the walk into the house more of a duckwaddle.  A line of discarded clothing could be traced from the back door to the closest bathroom, whereupon a shower hose set on "Arctic" was inverted and used to good effect on the undercarriage.

A surprising degree of restraint was shown in not using the kitchen sink sprayer...

So, now the subject is horizontal, with a towel-wrapped gel icepack near to hand.  Things are returning to normal, and there's some shopping for skivvies to be done.

Tuesday, September 08, 2015

Ain't Dead Yet...

All Drama, All The Time!

Still a bit of a twitch left in the ol' carcass...

The last few weeks have been a rough patch of ground, to be sure.

Here's an example:

Had my first tire blowout in years.  I knew the Yokohama Geolandars I bought new in 2008 were getting near the end of their road life, but there's still a good 1/4 to 3/8 tread on the three survivors.
Sidewall damage is what took out #4.  I also found out that my spare tire, faithfully carried in the bed since June of 2006, will NOT fit my truck.  There are 5 lug nuts in a star pattern, but the sizing is way off.

This inability to quickly swap tires, of course, will put a sizable knot in your schedule.

When I bought the truck, there was no spare tire, and I dithered signing on the bottom line until they found me one.  The dealership flunky pitched one in the back, and it's sat there ever since.  I've never needed the damn thing...

So, where does one buy a plain ol' steel wheel for a Ford F-150?  Preferably used, and preferably where I can trade it for the one I've got?

Friday, August 21, 2015

Random Pix

Tragically Funny?

I got nothin'.

Here's some pix:

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

The Slowest Move In Recorded History

Next Up, Moving Furniture Via Camel Caravan!

If it's Tuesday, I must be over on the North side...

Sigh.  If my finances didn't get so whackadoo after the engine blowout and the flood insurance debacle, I'd be completely moved in.

As it is, I've got a freshly cleaned carpet, a scrubbed out furnace and heat exchanger, a new set of mattresses, and a discovery that the AC compressor needs replacing.

Damn.  The hits just keep on coming.

Still can't get my BIL down to do the electrical work.  Dad says he can replace that 60A breaker that's heating up.  I'm not so sure.  It's been a few years since he's done much beyond replacing a wall switch or hanging a ceiling fan.

I may be worrying too much, but electricity coming in off the mains isn't something to fuck around with.  It'll kill you with varying degrees of speed, and it'll hurt like a mofo the whole time you're dying.

So, still to do before moving all my crap over there:

Hang curtains
Install a bunch of ground-fault interrupters
Replace about a dozen light bulbs
Fix the mess that is the main junction box
Split the gas pipe coming off the HWH to go to the dryer
Replace the gas rangetop spark lighters
Stretch the carpet in 4 rooms
Get a Molly Maid service in for a good scrub
Fix the broken hide-a-ladder in the garage
Rehang the shower door
Fix/replace the A/C compressor

And a whole bunch of other crap that can wait...

Tuesday, August 04, 2015

We Get Mail

Killing Trees For No Good Purpose

I'd forgotten precisely how much crap can get stuffed into your mailbox in the course of a week.

In addition to the usual detritus of grocery circulars, one-sheet adverts, and pizza coupons, I've been deluged with the sort of "help" a new homeowner needs.

Each day since acquiring the house, I've received at least one (and usually more) offers for some form of mortgage insurance, cable service, alarm service, or landscaping.

I'm a little shocked at how quickly I got on the new homeowner mailing list, to be honest.

Most of the stuff gets circular-filed without a glance, but there are a few that get a closer look.

There's a damnable strain of junk mail that mimics official correspondence.  Usually there's a line of VERY fine print that states the contents are an ad for services, but you need to look closely.
I got one asking to register the house as a homestead.  Had a bunch of legalese, and implied that gloom & doom would visit me if I failed to do so.

Vultures, all of 'em. 

Thursday, July 23, 2015

This, That & The Other Thing

Fun In The Suburbs Of The Great Swamp Metropolis

Wow.  Another week goes by with no blog activity.  That's starting to be the new normal...

I can't even blame Facebook, 'cause I don't post there either.

I blame the possum.

T'was a hot steamy night last weekend, and I'm sitting by the front door at something after 9 pm awaiting the pizza guy.  I'd been wrapped up in one thing or another all day long, and never made it out to get some food.

In the moving-out process, the pantry's as bare as a baby's ass, and I probably should have just gone to bed, but when hot pizza and chicken wings are but a mouse click away...

At any rate, I'm sitting there futzing on my phone when a possum wanders up to the front door like he's selling Amway.  A coon or a cat would have looked up, seen me on the other side of the glass door, and scampered off.  Not so, the phlegmatic possum.  It just sat there and... sat there.

Fearing the interaction of possum and pizza guy might result in a severe lack of pizza, I finally got up and banged on the door to shoo him off.  I got a nice toothy grin for my trouble, but it did continue its mosey down the porch to parts unknown.

Haven't seen him since.


Still no ETA on the relocation to the new digs.  There's still some electrical & plumbing issues to sort out before I feel OK being there full time.


Anybody know the cheapest place to get mattresses?  I don't anticipate having overnight guests all that often, so I'm looking for some bedding that's not a complete POS, but I can't spend $500 per guest room, either.  Any advice is appreciated!

Monday, July 13, 2015

God's Little Quarter-Acre

Fortunately, I Was Pretty Good At Geometry

Forgot what this survey cost me.

Might as well get some mileage out of it...

(Click Pic To Embiggenate)

Still Here

Tighten Your Belt, Cletus!  It's A Free Ice Cream Famine!

Yes, we're still open for business.

No, no new content just yet.

Personal life is edging out the digital existence for the time being.

Back real soon!